WHO IS THIS ONE?
by Sensei Robert Joshin Althouse (c) 2005

"The way the self arrays itself is the form of the entire world.
See each thing in this entire world as a moment of time.
Things do not hinder one another, just as moments do not hinder one another.
The way-seeking mind arises in this moment.
A way-seeking moment arises in this mind.
It is the same with practice and with attaining the way.
Thus the self setting itself out in array sees itself.
This is the understanding that the self is time. "

from The Time-Being (Uji) by Eihei Dogen

If we reflect on the nature of time, our first thought may be that we do not have enough of it. We are pushed and pulled by time. Thomas Merton pointed out that activists often become involved in a frenzy of activity which is a kind of violence that obscures their inner awareness. Life can seem like an impossible burden we have to shoulder. We can feel overwhelmed by the push and pull of events and the demands time places on us. Time is not something we really question. We assume it is a linear continuity of events proceeding from past to present to future. We feel that we are "in" time. Dogen is suggesting here that we "are" time.

And this gets to the point - why do we have such a war with time? We feel used by time because we perceive ourselves as separate from it. It is strange and surprising that during a Zen retreat where a rigorous schedule is followed from morning until night, one does not feel used by time. In deep samadhi, time comes to a stand-still; in the midst of samu work practice, one is at rest. Here being used by time has shifted to a sense of using time itself, and finally to the realization that time too, like the self, is a construct.

So we don't question time any more than we question the notion that we ourselves are permanent. Sure, we know that someday we are going to die, but that time is far off in the future. We see ourselves as more or less "permanent". Seeing ourselves as absolutely impermanent is incomprehensible to us. The "time-being" that Dogen writes about is the experience of no separate self and no linear time. This can be unsettling because there is nothing to grasp or hang on to here. There is no reference point at all. We would like to set up some concept, some goal we could attain. We imagine that with time and practice, we will some day attain enlightenment. But who is this old Buddha we are looking for?

Questioning our notion of time as a continuous, linear process, Dogen speaks about time as "passage": "You should not construe passage as something like a storm passing from east to west. The world is neither motionless like a storm passing from east to west. The world is neither motionless and changeless, nor without advance and retreat: it is passage. Passage is, then, like spring. Myriad events take place in the spring, and they are called passage. It should be noted that [spring] passes without anything outside itself [such as winter or summer]. For example, the passage of spring always passes through spring itself."

This experience of time as passage, as a duration in place, begins to effect how we perceive the roles we take on. We mistakenly assume that our roles are actually who we are. But like the self, the role too is empty. We are time–spirits occupying roles from time to time, but we are not the roles themselves. Seeing this can help us hold our roles more lightly, with more wisdom. When spring passes through spring itself, there is no coming or going, there is just the dance of life, your life, the Buddha's life.

When we perceive ourselves as separate from time, we miss the intimacy of who we are. We can spend much of our time judging ourselves and others. We can judge and criticize the world in a way that removes us from the scene of the crime. But we are all implicated. We have no alibi or excuse. I hear so many excuses about why people cannot practice. But who is not practicing? Where is this old Buddha? Who is so busy coming and going? Who is this one?

We use practice periods as ways to exert ourselves so we can be intimate with self and time. We begin by studying the self. We learn how to burn our wood completely. When there is nothing left to burn, we forget the self. Here there is no time, no self, no coming or going. Here is the old Buddha we've been looking for. But keep going. You are also Kanzeon, the Bodhisattva of compassion who hears the cries of the world. Another name for Kanzeon is "Kanjizai". Kanjizai means "the one who perceives the [essential] self at rest. Who is this one?

I'll let Rainer Marie Rilke have the last word:

We are the driving ones.
Ah, but the step of time:
think of it as a dream
in what forever remains.

All that is hurrying
soon will be over;
only what lasts can bring
us to the truth.

Young men, don't put your trust
into the trials of flight,
into the hot and quick.

All things already rest:
darkness and morning light
flower and book.