INNER DISARMAMENT
by Sensei Robert Joshin Althouse (c) 2005

"All evil karma ever committed by me since of old,
On account of my beginningless greed, anger and ignorance,
born of my body, mouth and thought
Now I atone for it all."
Gatha of Atonement

We chant this gatha of atonement at jukai ceremonies when people take the precepts and at fusatsu ceremonies when we renew our vows to keep the precepts. We sometimes chant this at the beginning of our morning zazen.

It has always been helpful for me in my own practice to recite this gatha and remember how much suffering I have caused others and myself. This is humbling and helps me renew my own vows to accomplish this way. Trungpa Rinpoche used to say that one meaning for dharma is "non-aggression".

Spiritual practice is a way of digesting and working with our own aggression, anger and irritation. A contemplative practice like meditation helps us get closer to our experience as it is. We learn to trust ourselves This is not only humbling but often uncomfortable. We don't want to hang out here. If we're feeling depressed or hopeless, it is difficult to open to this as an expression of our Buddha nature.

After we recite the gatha of atonement in our precepts ceremony we take refuge in the Three Treasures of the Buddha, Dharma and the Sangha. This is also at the heart of our spiritual practice and path. We should know why we take refuge in these three things and not something else. We humans are fond of blaming others for our difficulties. This solidifies our sense of self and our self-righteousness. We may become quite inflated and proud of this, thinking we are justified in our aggression. So rather than reciting this gatha with sincerity and taking refuge in the Three Treasures, we take refuge in our delusions. This is like blessing our afflictions. The unfortunate consequence is stronger karmic patterns that continue the cycle of suffering.

So we practice by opening to our experience without blaming anyone. We open to our emotions without judgment. We begin to touch our sad and tender heart and our own vulnerability. Perhaps we are uncertain, confused or bewildered. None of us want to be depressed or mixed up. This is part of what it means to have a spiritual practice. It is an inner disarmament of our own aggression.

Another way of saying this is that we aren't separate from our life. If we aren't blaming anyone, we aren't treating anyone as an object. This includes not blaming ourselves. We begin to develop gentleness and loving kindness towards ourselves and our own imperfections.

So please practice reciting this gatha with a pure heart. When you do this, along with taking refuge in the Three Treasures your life becomes a blessing. Please enjoy your practice and the blessings it brings to you and those around you and renew your vows to accomplish the Buddha way and to free all sentient beings from suffering.